Too many contractions

I am five months pregnant, and I'm having contractions much of the time. Last night, they were so intense that they made me walk with a limp, and it seemed as though I were contracting for the majority of several hours with short breaks in between. I camped out on the couch, drank nettle tea, and let my husband fix dinner for the family. Then he worked in the garden, drove 5 miles to the gas station to buy gas for the tractor after it got stuck, took care of the chickens, and washed dishes. He went to bed in the wee hours of the morning and rose at five to go to work.

I am reminded of one of my favorite parts of the Bible. It is in the book of Luke, and it cracks me up every time I read it. Jesus says that if somebody sins against you seven times in the same day and says he is sorry seven times, then you have to forgive him every single time. At this point, Jesus had been teaching at great length without interruption, but that last instruction is just too much for his disciples. “Lord, increase our faith,” they say. I giggle at this because I just know that a millisecond before they said, "Increase my faith,” some of them must have thought, “You have got to be kidding me.” I can just see their faces drop in that moment before they got their act together and said the perfect thing.

I am in the “you have got to be kidding me” phase. When I think about it though, I throw in a little prayer and say, "Lord, increase my faith.”

I work long and hard every day with my children, the farm, and our home, and most of my work is totally invisible. I'm leaving a huge gap here, and I'm afraid I'm the only one who understands how huge the gap is. Folks are stepping up to help. Yesterday, Ian's father mowed most of our huge lawn. Today, one friend drove my daughter to orchestra practice, and another is bringing supper. Tomorrow, my mother is coming down to provide backup for me so my children can have play dates here while Ian goes to a farm auction. We are not without loving support, but I am still not clear how everything is goig to get done around here.

My midwife says not to worry. I have not shown signs of true preterm labor, and she has worked with many mothers who have experienced similar contractions, and then are still pregnant a week after their due date. But in the back of my mind I am trying to prepare myself for what it would be like to lose this baby. I'm also wondering what our life will be like if he is born early and with very serious disabilities, which makes me wonder if I will ever be free enough from family obligation to pursue my dream of being a farmer.

Lord increase my faith.