Death

Still no voice recognition, and I know this is not polished, but I so much wanted to share these thoughts ...

During the process of childbirth, I became willing to lay down absolutely everything in my life and hurl myself forward into the mystery. Something within me knows that death will be like this, and that it will not be the end. St. Francis of Asisi saw death as a rather insignificant event in the life of the faithful and apparently embraced his own death. Even my father, who would be the first to admit he wasn't a saint, seems more present to me in some ways after his death. He is more diffuse, but vibrant, and often with me.

St Francis also saw all living creatures (and other natural things) as siblings because we share God as a common parent. This matches my experience so perfectly, and it makes me hope that death is not the end of the road for any part of creation. I am holding onto this hope as I wade in an ocean of grief and guilt for the beautiful things that are coming to an end all around us through environmental destruction. I stand on the edge of this sea and pray that the coming generations will be given the guidance to navigate it. And as I stand here, I am aware of an illogical joy, a peace that surpasses understanding. My eyes are shocked by sparks of light.

borage flowers

The borage plant in our garden is almost otherworldly. It is has a misty look to it because it is covered in a light fur, and its pointed flowers, like stars, are a deeper blue than the sky. It has always startled me to pass it, as though I had wandered into a lovely elvin presence. Today my son picked borage flowers for me and held them out in his still round six-year old hand. I was lying down, so I looked up at him with deepest indigo in his hand, and light blue in his eyes, and the whole wide blue sky framing him. I ate the flowers, which were cool and pleasant as cucumbers, and felt blessed beyond my ability to understand it.




PS. Still no voice recognition here, but it will be soon!

technical troubles

I use voice recognition software because of repetitive stress injuries. Mine started working poorly and finally totally crashed a couple of weeks ago. We're hoping to get a new computer today to support it better. I am hoping I'll be blogging more in 1-2 weeks. I have so much to say. It is beautiful here.